Hmmm.....
OK, I know this is an early work so please don't take all of this the wrong way - I'm not trying to rip you up at all -
OK, from the beginning,
I see what you were trying for but when some additional stuff hits 5 bars in, then four more later the rest hits. - although the timing probably isn't off it really feels like it is. - maybe try a longer lead-in before you hit with everything all at once like that. Consider fading one or two tracks in over 8 or 12 bars instead of triggering everything all at once. That may help a bit.
The whole thing sounded a little tinny - not enough bass at all - the eq really needs some tweaking. Plus the quality is low on this - sounds a little like you put a speaker up to one side of a coffee can and a mic on the other. This is a problem but don't woryy about it too much - alot of people (like myself) have a problem with eq and levels at first. This is something that you'll get better at with time.
At one point it -almost- felt like you were about to deliver a bridge but just when I thought you were gonna change it up, you surprised me by just continuing on without any middle-8 at all.. heh heh... Toggling certain tracks on and off can be a useful tool but it doesn't usually create quite enough diversity to push a song up to the top.
This was alright for a first go at it. I expect that once you solve a few minor problems on your end and get used to your software that your quality will come up a bit.
I'm voting 3 on this - It wasn't a great track but
at least you decided to submit something to see what would happen. With proper development and a little extra effort - more diversity and maybe a more original chord progression - this track would have gotten a 4 and with good eq on top of that I would have voted 5 so please don't get discouraged - continue making tracks regardless of scores.
if you ever have any questions that you don't want to ask in the open forums just drop me an email and I'll help if I can.
Good luck!
The Gloom